Tess Tepper

I'm living fearlessly this September by participating in the Live Fearless Challenge 2024

14 years ago I was a strong, extremely fit 58kg equestrian. Never a problem in the world with my health, especially when it came to my digestive system.  I was very well known for eating like 3 men & never putting on weight! 

In 2010 after getting married for the second time & feeling like I’d got it right this time (?), I finally decided to have a have a baby.  I was 36 years old. 

Although I was fit & healthy, I was born with a spinal condition which meant I was missing two vertebrae & my spinal cord was tethered but it had never caused me an issue so it wasn’t too much of concern. However, caution & due diligence prompted me to consult specialists prior to becoming pregnant.  After multiple tests all were quite confident it wouldn’t cause an issue,  so all systems go.  Unfortunately they were very very wrong.  

That’s when things started to go pear shaped. I had planned to keep riding throughout my pregnancy to maintain my core muscles as much as possible to support my spine,  but within the first couple of weeks of pregnancy, I was already in a great deal of pain in my pelvis & walking was difficult, I had to stop riding at 8 weeks.  

Those 9 months went very slowly.  Since I was a baby, horses & riding had been a huge part of my life. I began riding when I was 3 & having grown up on stud, really didn’t know life without them.  To all of a sudden not be able to do it took a huge mental toll. On top of that I was in constant pain & could take nothing for it because of the baby.  

Finally it was time for her to arrive & I thought life could return to normal once again. After all that’s how it was for my riding friends who had babies.  Back in the saddle in no time.  I was so relieved & very much looked forward to meeting my little girl, even the labour! After all it couldn't be more painful than what I’d already endured for 9 months!  Again I was very wrong.  What we didn’t know was that the pelvic pain was caused by a crack in my pelvis that had occurred because of the inflexibility of my spine (due to the tethering) which meant I could not dilate & was not physically able to deliver my baby.  The time from that first contraction until surgery (16 hours) was essentially one very long contraction.  The pain was beyond belief.  Finally after a C section under a full general, in emergency theatre (not the maternity ward), I got to meet my beautiful daughter.  

The days, weeks & months that followed are like a blur now.  It almost feels like I imagined it, it was like something out of a horror movie, & I yet I still vividly remember it like it was this morning.  

You see the pregnancy & surgery to have my daughter triggered a plethora of things to go wrong in my body.  One of which was an extremely severe flare of IBD.  Only I wasn’t diagnosed with IBD then, I was told it was normal when you have a baby to have issues…..

But this wasn’t my only issue.  Nothing returned to normal after birth.  My oestrogen remained very low (at menopause type levels).  My joints began to ache, especially my hips & I could barely move, walking was painful.  I couldn’t pick up my daughter or get down on the floor to play with her without it hurting (even though I of course still did it). I couldn’t even push an empty shopping trolley without extreme pain.  Additionally, pregnancy & the consequent C section, also triggered severe endometriosis (which I had not had a problem with before) that would return with a vengeance within 12 months after every laparoscopy. I had a lot of those. 

Finally on the 8th August 2018, I was diagnosed with the autoimmune condition known as Inflammatory Bowel Disease after becoming extremely unwell & hospitalised via ER for the umpteenth time.  I'd never even heard of it.  Turns out most people think it’s the same as irritable bowel.  Trust me it's nothing like that.  A very big difference between an upset tummy & ulceration & bleeding from your intestines let me tell you!!  Like comparing a broken leg with an amputation really....once you have it you have it. You can only be in remission after that.  There is no cure. 

After a very long time on steroids & medication, I finally went into remission only to nearly bleed to death again from my uterus & end up back in hospital. The entire wall had collapsed from adenomyosis - so I get a full hysterectomy.  This wasn’t enough to stop the endometriosis though & a year later I had to get my ovaries removed as the endo had now become so severe it had attached my organs & my bowel together.  I lost a few internal bits & bobs in that surgery including a bit of my bowel. 

My husband left while I was in recovery from that last surgery as often happens to people with this disease, not many come forward with support because you look normal & healthy.   

Ive gone from strength to strength since then.  

The chain of events that ended up with me being very very sick for a very long time, nearly loosing my life twice,  was all because of initial misdiagnosis & a lack of wholistic knowledge from GPs & specialists who only knew their part. Because no one connected all the dots to understand what was happening to me, and how all of it, although seperate conditions, was contributing to the other.  Also I think the biggest factor is stress.  To me it felt like my body was so stressed it was destroying its self from the inside trying to cope with it & there was nothing I could do to stop it.  

Whilst I am now quite well, and still getting stronger everyday it’s been a long, soul destroying process. An invisible disease means being told you are making it up, that its for attention, & been made to feel like you are incapable & not worthy of things because some days you literally just can't do anything…invisible illness is the hardest thing to live with because it really messes up your mind & belief in yourself. Feeling things are helpless & you are misunderstood makes you die inside.  

Coming from literally the ground up to get myself mentally & physically back to how strong I once was is hard.  Super hard. The physical side of things is especially challenging because I now have limitations, weakness from surgery, missing bits, broken bits,  muscle spasms….

I dream to ride again.  Not just get on a horse & plod.  I know I can do that, I already do that!  I want to ride like I used to. So with this in mind I bought myself that Eventer, the horse my healthy self wanted & I've been working hard on building up my core again.... riding the plods & doing loads of strength exercises.  I've got a long road to get this broken old bod back to functional, but I believe I can do it & I am determined.... & that’s pretty powerful. It’s got me this far! 

My goal is to be competing again by time I'm 50, & I hope get back to 1* one day.  It's gunna hurt (it does hurt!) & it's going to be very very hard work, & I am terrified I won't be able to pull it off!!! 

But I'm not as afraid of that as I am of not trying.  

This challenge is my boot camp.  A pivotal pathway to leap forward in the direction I want to fly.  

I'm doing this challenge to inspire others who are coming back from loosing everything physically & mentally & trying to rebuild.  I am also doing it to raise money for awareness and research into this disease & understanding it.  I want for people get diagnosed quicker & supported more.  

Please support my journey to live fearlessly to inspire others & raise much needed funds for support, awareness and research into this disease. 

Tess x 

All proceeds go towards Crohn's & Colitis Australia's support services, research initiatives, education and advocacy programs for the Crohn's and colitis community.